


Things I'm Learning To Say

by UisceOneLove



Category: Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: A messy hybrid of comic and movie universes, Angst with a Happy/Hopeful Ending, B.A.R.F. | Binarily Augmented Retro Framing, Good Boyfriend Tony Stark, Hurt with Tony Not Wanting the Comfort, Insinuated Divorced Tony Stark, Kind of Ambiguous Ending if You wanna, Lover's Betrayal but in a good way, Lover's Sacrifice, M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Somewhat Non-Traditional ABO Dynamics, Young Tony Stark, minor blood and injury, minor drug and alcohol abuse, natasha being a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28187049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove
Summary: Tony just wanted some love that didn't end in disaster.Why was it such a hard ask?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 20
Collections: Stony's Sad Secret Santa





	Things I'm Learning To Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ralsbecket](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralsbecket/gifts).



> There's a lot that I wish I could have added or mixed around more, but I hope that it is still enjoyable!
> 
> This was Beta'd by my best friend, DeviousPaleKitten! Her notes have me thinking about a possible expansion of this in the future.

**_The Past_ **

He's told himself, every time, that it'd be the last time.

But then it's another day of being swarmed by the press, or another layer to Howard Stark finding business more important than his own son, or Tony just doesn't want to feel anything. Then it's another day of raiding the mansion's bar and digging out whatever drug is in the stash underneath his floorboard.

And  _ then _ he ends up in his dad's special room.

"Good day, Star Spangled Man with a Plan," he greeted as he guzzled down a good few mouthfuls of bourbon. 

The lights whirred as they came on with each step he took into the room. He didn't pay any mind to the file cabinets since he's drowned himself in those before, combing over every little piece of information his dad had accumulated about Steven Grant Rogers. He didn't care about the prototypes of the shield or the personalized mock-up of the stars and stripes uniform, he drooled over them as a kid. The thing that Tony was always drawn to was a lot simpler than that.

He stopped at the end of the path where the old film projector resided and clumsily set aside his drink. "What's the line-up today?" he mused to himself, kneeling down to pick through the reels.

They were always the same ones. Tony watched them over and over regardless. The Captain America reels from the movies, the shows that were taken on the road before forming the Howling Commandoes, daddy's favorite buff soldier that sold the American Dream.

But those weren't the ones that Tony liked to watch. 

He found his favorite at the bottom of the stack and set it up in the projector, fumbling with the film but as gentle as he could be in his state. The Omega plopped down and let his legs sprawl with his drink back in his hands and readily welcomed the film's opening.

The private room was small, cramped, and practically barren of any belongings. Apart from the essentials, there was only a sketchbook in view on the bedside table. 

" _ Mister Stark, I don't think I understand why it's really necessary to film this." _

Tony's eyes traced over the frail limbs and tiny frame of Steven Grant Rogers. There's the discomfort of an Alpha who's always turned away from the attention. His dad wasn't the kind of man to understand that about anyone.

_ "You can't expect us to only want to capture the experiment, can you, Steve?"  _ His father's voice rang out off-screen. It only served to make Steve grimace and fold his arms across his chest, almost like he was trying to shield himself.  _ "Dr. Erskine insisted that we keep a record of the man behind the project. Give us a little something." _

The small Alpha let out a puff of what could have been an aborted laugh and shook his head.  _ "What kind of a something, Mister Stark?" _ he asked.

_ "Call me Howard. No need to be so formal. Just tell us something about yourself. Why are you doing this? A pretty Omega you want to impress?" _

Tony's lips curled up at the sound of Steve's laughter as it came out to play, though he was saddened by the depreciation in it. He still liked it better than the kind that came from an Alpha too arrogant for his britches.

_ "There's no one waiting for me back home." _ It sounded so resolute. Like it was just being stated as a fact and not some painful admittance.  _ "My closest pal's out there serving. My father served in his time. I want to do what's right and fight the bullies like everyone else. Even a guy like me is willing to keep throwing the punches until they come down. If Dr. Erskine sees something in me then I'm willing to do whatever I can to help prove him right." _

"Heavy is the head that wears the crown, Rogers," Tony mumbled into his drink. Everyone looked down on this Alpha for not fitting into the expectations until his dad and Erskine pumped him with a special concoction to change it. Captain America had still been an Alpha who needed someone to look after him the way he threw himself out there for everyone else.

Tony thought a lot about what that would be like. 

"Master Anthony." 

Tony let his head loll around to glance at the Beta who felt like his real family. It wasn't the first time Jarvis would have to come down and find him here. "How's it goin, Jarvis?"

The butler's face betrayed nothing as he took in the newest bottle Tony abducted. There was a brief wistfulness as his eyes swayed over the playing film but then it was gone as soon as he was on the Omega. 

"Your father would like to you prepared for dinner," Jarvis informed him. "There are guests arriving soon for dinner." 

"Time for Perfect Family," Tony muttered. The only time when he mattered to his dad. 

Jarvis didn't react, but he did offer him a kind smile. "Mrs. Stark thought that perhaps you would be interested in joining her for a song at the piano when you are ready."

"It's a bribe for me to be on my best behavior." Tony shut off the projector and took his sweet, clumsy time getting off the floor. Too bad for him, he'd still do anything to make his mom happy.

"It is always a delight to watch the two of you play together," Jarvis responded.

Tony followed the butler out, knowing he wouldn't be ratted on for being found in the room. "Yeah," he said, a small ounce of warmth residing in his chest. "It is." 

With one last look behind him and the image of Steve Rogers in his mind, Tony flipped off the lights and shut the door.

One day, maybe Tony will actually find an Alpha like Steve Rogers who's worth fighting for.

**_\-----_ **

**_The Present_ **

"Don't do this, Steve."

The man in the walking flag suit wasn't a malicious man. Steve Rogers lived off of justice and a stupidly self-sacrificing sense of duty when it comes to doing the right thing. None of this made any sense. 

It should have been an easy mission like the others. Swoop into the HYDRA base, get information, destroy said Hydra base, and go home where they can celebrate with some private naked times.

Nowhere did it state the mission would require  _ this _ .

"I'm sorry," Steve replied, and Tony believed the anguish that was there, "but I have to do this, Tony. It's the only way."

_ No, it wasn't _ . Why was the Alpha choosing right now to be so stupid?

"Stark, Rogers." Natasha's voice rang clearly through their earpieces. "Everyone is on the jet. ETA?"

"We've both done the lone hero thing before." They were both reckless at it and why even Clint thought they were made for each other. Once Tony was able to set aside his ego and actually trust Steve. It was insane to Tony now how he could have admired Steve's drive to give himself up for the greater good. No, he didn't care that it was hypocritical. He was still selfish. So what? "And the other one always winds up right in the end. So let's go. We can make it. Just quit the act so we can all go home."

The Alpha looked so serious in the flashing red lights of the lab. It'd been an accident, a trip that even Barnes and Romanoff didn't catch. Damn it. Steve grabbed the sides of his helmet and shook his head. "This place will explode as soon as we both step out of it. One of us has to stay to prolong it until the team gets to safety."

"So it's you?" Tony spat bitterly. He's the one who's the genius, he didn't need this fact thrown in his face. He can think of something else to stop the explosion. He just needed time--

"You have Morgan."

Tony growled. "So do you."

Steve didn't have the time to hold back his exasperation. "You're her real father. Don't make it a Stark tradition to lose them, Tony." 

" _ Real _ father?" Tony scoffed, incredulous. "You've been as much of a father to her as I have. Do you realize how much Pepper even adores you for it when she's not supposed to adore what I have dibs on?"

"Tony--"

"DON'T." Tony wasn't losing the one Alpha he was able to give a damn about when they'd almost ruined it from the starting point.

The Alpha slowly deflated, clenching his fists before he let go. "You're right. We can figure something out."

"Damn right that I'm right. I'm the guy with the tech and the high IQ, Rogers, leave it to the professional."

Tony started scanning the system and the code again, searching as quickly as he could for the solution. 

"Hey, Tony?"

"I've almost got it, Cap, just give me a second." He could see it now. Just one more--

"I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too, now shush."

"And I love Morgan. Tell her that."

Tony stopped and whipped his head back to the Alpha in time to see him reaching for the button on the wristlet Tony had made for him.

"Don't you fucking dare--"

"Goodbye, Tony."

Tony's armor went flying out of the lab as soon as the button was pressed, the Omega snarling all the way. He was locked out of his own system in one touch. That was for emergencies! Not this!

The halls went flying past him with every curse that left Tony's mouth. Every door, every fire and blaring alarm, until he was outside.

As soon as he cleared the entry, Tony was knocked off-course by the power of the lab exploding.

The Omega felt his back make contact with something thick while heat made his armor feel like it was turning into an extreme sauna. He didn't know when he lost the face-covering of his helmet or how bad the throbbing was in his shoulders. There was even a moment of black before he heard the calls of his teammates. 

Something had to be broken. Or dislocated, maybe. His wrist hurt like hell.

And when he went to touch something wet on his face, it wasn't clear like he'd expected. It was scarlet and dripping from somewhere other than his eyes. 

Tony didn't care about any of it. 

Not when he was staring down metal and concrete that was once a base that his boyfriend had been standing in and wondering if he was ever meant to love someone.

\----

_ "Captain Spangles, how many times have I said not to touch my things?" _

_ The large Alpha was very clearly -- and insultingly, thank you -- smiling from his spot in front of the stove, where he was making the most delicious smelling mushroom and sausage ragu. "How many times have I said not to buy me expensive things every time I mention liking something?" Steve returned.  _

_ That was not the point.  _

_ "That's not the point," Tony petulantly stated out loud, because he's an adult, too.  _

_ "What thing have I touched now, Tony?" _

_ The Omega dropped a stack of blueprints on the counter. "These." _

_ Steve stirred the food in the pan before stepping away to take a look. "You'll have to clarify where I touched them." _

_ Tony was going to ruin Barnes' arm for letting Steve grow up with such a sassy mouth, he swears to every living deity. "Those," he hissed, jabbing his finger at one of many little chibi Iron Man doodles that littered the outer edges of every damn page. _

_ Now Steve was most definitely grinning, and being a bastard by not having the decency to hide it. "What about them, Tony?" _

_ "These are my designs! I don't need little Powerpuff Girl versions of myself on them!" _

_ Steve's face twisted up in confusion. "Is that the one Morgan watches with the three pastel-colored girls?" _

_ "Yes, Steven, that is exactly what it is and what they look like. Again, not my point!" _

_ "Didn't she and Peter start naming us as them and talked about Bucky having the same hair as the one named Buttercup or something?" _

_ "Oh, now I know you're just doing this on purpose." _

_ Steve took one of Tony's hands and rubbed at his knuckles, thumb circling over each one until his hand felt incredibly like Jell-O.  _

_ "You don't want me to leave you them anymore?" Steve asked, keeping his voice light.  _

_ Tony huffed, hating Steve for that small action feeling like the best thing in his life right now. "And if I don't?" _

Tony removed the B.A.R.F glasses before he could finish it. "You could have figured out an easier way to tell me you loved me than covering my things with your art, you know. Less territorial. Less stupidly adorable for a grown man."

He fiddled with his tech before pocketing it, eyeing the small frame of his daughter curled against Steve's side sleeping away anxiously. The unburned side, that was. She wasn't going to leave any time soon.

Neither was Tony, really. Like father, like daughter.

He rubbed at the stitches that ran along his hairline and winced. The sting wasn't half as bad as the pain that liked to run through his shoulder. He never did enjoy wearing a sling, it made him feel like he was a kid who fell off his dad's stool.

"Who are we kidding? I loved it. Not that I was my top-notch intelligent self to get it right away, but. You know. You make cute little drawings for us and I just shower you with the best that money can buy so that I can make you happy. Guess we're still both bad at verbal language when it comes to saying our feelings. Except when you're an idiot." 

Tony couldn't stand to look at the bandages that still covered the Alpha from head-to-toe. Super-soldier healing didn't happen fast. They didn't even know if the healing was going to save Steve this time. 

"Don't call Steve an idiot," Morgan chastised him, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"What should I call him then?" Tony asked her, feeling guilty for disturbing her.

She shrugged her shoulder, giving her dad a frown. "You have to call him nicer things. He won't get better if you say mean things to him."

"I'm angry with him. I'm allowed to say bad names."

"No, you're not. If you're a bully then he won't like you when he wakes up."

Tony felt his mouth curl up slightly. "Did your mom teach you that? That sounds like your mom taught you that."

"You have to do what mom says," Morgan nodded, "and what I say."

"Of course. When it's me against a strong woman, I always lose." Tony forced himself to stand, the temptation of looking at Steve's face only getting stronger. "Then what do you say to a snack?"

Morgan stayed curled against Steve, but she still looked to take the offer extra-seriously. "I say yes," she answered.

Tony clapped his hands together, "Perfect. Some fatty, sugary options that would have Steve there looking on with disappointment if he knew. Be right back, turtledove."

Leaving the room couldn't be done fast enough and yet part of Tony wanted to go right back into it. The Omega made his feet continue on their trajectory down the hall to the cache of vending machines so that he wouldn't do just that. He could breathe for a few minutes. Shoving his card through the reader and jabbing at random numbers was all that he could do.

He was so focused on the machine, in fact, that he didn't even notice someone nearby.

"Steve's like a cockroach. He'll survive this, too."

Tony stared pointedly at the falling selection of junk. "Not in the mood for the optimistic bullshit, Barnes."

"Just saying, Stark."

"Don't. It means nothing."

"You sound as nihilistic as Tasha."

"I've known Ms. Romanoff to be the most perceptive of us all so there must be some truth behind whatever she's thinking."

Tony could still see Bucky through the reflection of the machine's glass, but he could also see a nurse rolling out a cart by the nurse's station. 

A cart that had a few old friends Tony hasn't seen in a while.

"Careful, or that outlook could be very dangerous since she's alone with Morgan."

"I'm outnumbered already, let them grab Hill and Danvers to make The Spice Girls."

Bucky couldn't help but smirk when Tony finally gave him his attention. "No one should be okay with Scary Spice being at the helm."

Tony could only shake his head. "I can't believe you even know that reference."

"Steve's not the only one who likes to keep tabs on the century I'm in," Bucky replied.

Tony's eyes drifted back to the nurse's cart and its contents before he started pulling out his treasures from the vending slot. He could feel an old urge tugging at him. This time, he's not so confident he'll be willing to decline its invitation. 

Bucky took some of the snacks to help, sharing a brief nod before they both walked back towards Steve's room. 

Again, Tony's eyes went to the cart the closer they got to it. He didn't know if Bucky was watching him or not, and he didn't really care at this point. But as they went by, Tony saw the pills and took them, slipping them into his pocket in one fell swoop. 

Stepping into the room, Tony could almost pretend it wasn't the shittiest day ever; Natasha and Morgan were conspiring like nothing was any different, and without the bandages, Steve could be mistaken for merely sleeping. If only they could stop being Avengers. Then maybe they'd stop being in the crosshairs of all of this shit and get to act like they're a normal family. Why did that use to seem like a terrible dream to have?

Natasha raised her head when the boys came in, treating Tony like the next specimen to take apart. "I was asking Morgan about having a sleepover," she told him, her lips twisting up in a wry little thing. "Do what girls do."

Get Morgan out of here, is what Nat means and Tony had to not let them see how relieved that actually was. He came back over to his seat by the bed and dropped into it with a toss of a bag of Bugles to his precious girl. 

"Can I, dad?" Morgan asked.

"If you really want to go," he permitted. 

Morgan nodded, removing herself from Steve in such a way like she didn't want to risk being the next one to break him. 

"Then Aunt Nat can be the one to swing by the house with you for your things."

"I can take a shift here if you want to get some rest at home, Tony," Bucky offered the man, but he was already shaking his head.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tony informed him, "but you are free to find another chair and hog the corner if you want to stay."

Bucky held his hands up and even took a step back in deference. "Understood."

Morgan slid off the bed and put her arms around Tony in a python-squeeze of a hug. "You're gonna be okay, dad?"

Tony gently patted her back before returning the hug, tightness and all. "I'll be fine, kiddo. Just remember, I love you times three thousand."

"I love you that much, too," she whispered before pulling away and going to Natasha. 

Bucky tore open a raisin danish while he followed after them. "I'll give you some alone time," he said over his shoulder.

Alone time. Tony didn't feel like that's what he needed at all. 

Alone, he couldn't avoid Steve being there in bad shape and himself in mediocre shape. 

Alone, he could pull out the pills he'd swiped. 

He was in the market for stupid decisions. Two of these were going to send Tony skyrocketing into a nice high anyway.

Hell, his tolerance was low enough that it could do worse. Might as well find out.

Tony threw back the pills and chased them down with some of the water nearby. He slouched in the chair with his eyes closed, his hand reaching out to find Steve's as if it would change a damned thing. 

He counted the time in his head. Five minutes. Then ten. Finally the fifteen mark. That's when there was a bloom of this hazy fluff that slowly started to spread through him. It licked the pain away and stuffed him full of cotton. It was bliss. A bliss he'd missed.

Just this once and it'll be fine. 

Just this once.

So he can forget for a few hours.

Two words whispered along with the fluffy, just as warm and bright as the rest of it. 

"Hey, Shellhead."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Things I'm Learning To Say (Remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29796960) by [UisceOneLove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UisceOneLove/pseuds/UisceOneLove)




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